What We Wanted
by Dawn Bently
Summary: In a world at war with its self, Ginny and Draco only fight for each other...


"Don't you wish we lived in a world where it mattered what we wanted?"

The halls were silent in the dead of the night. And for that matter, the entire castle was silent, except for the dorm towers where every student was neatly asleep in their respective beds. The nearest noise to the young lovers was in the forbidden forest, which was on the other side of the castle since they were in a deserted, abandoned part of the castle where nobody went looking for anything other than privacy for what they shouldn't have been doing at all.

He was well aware of the silence that surrounded them, and yet for some reason he couldn't think straight. He couldn't have heard his own voice if he wanted to. All that passed in his head were her words.

"Don't you wish we lived in a world where it mattered what we wanted?"

She only said them once. And he almost didn't hear her. It wasn't his fault though. Potter and his friends were walking by, and he couldn't very well go up to the youngest Weasley and ask her to repeat what she'd whispered in his ear so quickly. But in those few short moments, when her soft voice fell on his ears, thoughts consumed him, almost as if he believed in forever. Believed that after Hogwarts, and after Voldermolt there was a place he take little Ginny Weasley to be his bride and live together happily.

Naturally, he knew she believed that. He knew it filled her dreams when they weren't together. But it always seemed like just that. Just a dream people spend years wasting energy believing in and hoping that one day they would wake up in a whole new world where everything changed overnight. And just as soon as he found himself condemning the ignorance of those people, he found himself wanting to believe just that.

And it consumed him. He often found himself lying alone in his large four poster bed lined with green silk sheets, just staring up at the ceiling as his mind raced with thoughts of him and Ginny together without ever having to hide. In a time where he could hold her hand in public without the worries of his family, particularly his father, finding out, or her family for that matter, but more particularly her brothers. He'd even thought about how he would purpose to her, but as these fanciful dreams consumed him, his thoughts also raised the question of how they'd gone this long without her brothers finding out.

He was surprised really, since every time they parted at night, he could see in her eyes every emotion that flashed through her in that instant when he released her body and let his arms fall to his side, even though everything inside him screamed to never let go. He had no idea how he could see every emotion in her eyes, and her own brother, her own closest friends couldn't see them as well.

Now, sitting in that one room where they had agreed to meet in, he sat alone, staring at the walls she'd convinced him to make red instead of green. They didn't really have a meeting set up, but he often liked to think there, more than he liked the comforts of his own common room. Something seemed more familiar in that room, than any Slythrin ever would. So, there he was, just sitting at the end of the small bed he'd conjured for them to use, though sometimes all they did was lay there silently in each others' arms, and he'd listen to her heart beat, and kiss the top of her head.

"I thought you'd be here." Her voice was soft and if the room had any noise at all in it, he probably wouldn't have heard her. Turning he looked over his shoulder at the slender figure in the door way, before she slowly stepped forward and let the light from the fire illuminate the features of her face and her body. "I didn't see you at dinner, and thought maybe you'd just come here."

"I was just… thinking." She was the only person he was ever truly honest with, and even sometimes he found it hard not to smooth over some rough edges, which in the end always made him feel guilty for not being able to talk to her, even though he knew he loved her.

"About?" She asked as she made her way towards him, and took a seat next to him on the bed. She slowly untied her cloak and he moved it off to the side before he put his arm around her waist and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Just… what you said to me today." He answered, whispering also, though he was well aware there was nobody else in the room to over hear their private conversation. "I- I thought about it all day, and it was so…" He trailed off and for a moment there was silence in the room. Ginny slowly lifted her head from his shoulder and peered up into his shallow icy blue eyes that even though everyone else saw to be cold and distant, she saw them to be filled with emotions.

"So… what?"

"So…" He took in a breath and sighed as he peered down at her. "Fairytale like." He explained, searching her dark brown eyes, until he ventured the rest of her beautiful features of her face. Once he finished admiring her, he bent down and stole the softest kiss from her lips and she was reminded of his gentle touch that she once refused to believe was really his.

"You think it's just a fairytale?" She asked. "That maybe we could be together outside of this room, and people could accept it?"

"It's not so much people as it is… my father." He replied, but then realized he should further explain what he meant. "I mean… I mean that your family loves you and to some degree trusts you, and I have no doubt that if they were to find out, eventually they would… they would accept it because in the end all they want is for you to be happy, and I like to think that… that I make you happy, and ultimately that's what they're looking for."

"Ok," Ginny nodded, understanding his usually infallible logic so far.

"But my family, my father… he only wants to keep his pureblood line, which technically would be continued if we were to be together, but he also wants to keep his social status, and in the circles he wants it, your family wouldn't be… well… you wouldn't…" Draco trailed off struggling to find the words he wanted to say without offending or upsetting Ginny.

"Weasley's aren't the most liked pureblood family in Voldermolt's circles?" Ginny asked, and a tentative Draco nodded in agreement, and somehow she understood what he had been trying to say to her.

"Which…" He continued even though he'd made his point, but she felt it was only because he had no one else to vent his true feelings to other than her. "Which would make it my fault that we have to hide like this, which I know you hate, and… I hate myself for making you do this because you shouldn't have to. You don't deserve this, you deserve so much better, and-"

Ginny had silenced him with a kiss on his lips. Usually she encouraged him to tell his true feelings, but under no circumstances would she listen to him blame himself for the situation their current relationship was in. "Stop it Draco." She said softly as she looked into his eyes. "It's not your fault."

"It's my father-"

"Yes, your father, not you." She repeated. "It's not you." She looked at him and he saw the pleading look in her eyes, and the kind caring look on her face of an angel he couldn't get enough of. However, he did enjoy her fiery passions when the anger inside of her was brought out.

"I just want you to be happy." He told her, and she found herself in one of the few times when Draco had a genuinely hurt look in his eyes and on his face. She thought it must've been hard for him to show that side of him to anyone, even her, but was glad that he could showing every side of himself to her.

"And I am happy."

"But only when we're here." Draco replied motioning to the fur walls enclosing them. "Only when we're alone, and no one is looking. We're not here all the time. In fact, we're hardly ever here compared to all the other hours of the day when you have this… saddened look on your face, when you look across the room at me, and you shouldn't have that at all. You should be happy like this all the time, and…"

"Don't say it Draco." She warned knowing exactly where this conversation as going since they'd had the same conversation several times before.

Draco peered down away from her, and even pulled his arm away from her as he fiddled with his fingers, avoiding her eye contact. "And you should be with someone who makes you that happy all the time, instead of me."

"Draco." He felt her stand up from the bed and move to stand before him, between his legs. "Why? Why do you do this? To me? To you?" She asked putting her hands on his shoulders and leaning forward to press their foreheads together. He could almost hear the pain in her voice. "Why do you say these things to me? How many times do I have to tell you that only you can make this happy, and if it only lasts a few hours of the day, then that's what I have to look forward to, because I wouldn't trade this for anything else in the world, Draco." She whispered with such passion in her voice and he looked into her eyes.

"Now," He replied, "But… I'll be gone at the end of the year, and we won't see each other, except for rare occasions. And then you'll graduate, and we still might not be able to be together very often. What about in two, three, four years from now when you want to get married and have a family, and we're like this just… hiding from the world. What are you going to do then, Gin?"

"So it's better to just stop being together now, since we won't be together in the end?" She questioned and he suddenly regretted everything he said that night when he saw the tears forming in her eyes.

"I only meant that maybe it would be easier in the long run for you… if… if it ended sooner rather than later."

"It's going to hurt no matter what. I want to last as long as it can, Draco." Ginny wrapped her arms around his neck and he put his arms around her waist, letting his own eyes shut as he buried his face into her neck. "Please don't leave me yet." She whispered in his ear and he heard her voice break, hating himself for doing that to her.

He couldn't believe that he'd spent all day telling himself that tonight he would finally let her move on to somebody better, and now that he was there holding her, ready to tell her just that, he couldn't do it. He couldn't let go and know somebody else would hold on, and not make the same mistake.

"Never, Gin." He whispered back to her, shutting his eyes even tighter, before they shared the softest kiss. "Never." He repeated, stroking her fire red hair and pulling her tighter to his body, as he couldn't bring himself to loosen his grip.

"I love you." Ginny pulled away and looked into his eyes before she kissed him once more and he kissed her back, this time pouring much more passion into his actions as he slowly stood up and turned around so she was on the bed, and he was slowly crawling above her, ready to make her his once more, though it only ever lasted through the night, because come sunrise, she would be away with her brother and friends, and they would glance at each other from across the room, trying as hard as they could to pour hate into their stares, but all that ever came out was passion.

Finally, Draco had fallen down on top of her, both panting and gasping for stolen breath, and Ginny only threaded her fingers through his soft blonde locks, massaging him gently as he rested, still laying above her. The first time they'd done anything, he tried to move off of her, but she insisted she enjoyed his body above hers, protecting her and loving her in ways no one else could.

"I love you," Draco whispered in her ear softly, and he heard her return the words that warmed his heart and kept him from falling apart during the day.

"And I love you."


End file.
